DAR ES SALAAM: BONZO is 40 years old today. He is going through his daily morning routine before going to work.
As he stares in the mirror to make sure, he is nicely spruced up, he is taken aback by the face that is staring directly at him. He moves closer to the mirror and notices the grey in his beard and in his hair.
He moves closer again to make sure but his belly hits the sink beneath the mirror – meaning he has acquired a pot belly without noticing. Has he aged that much to have a pot belly or is he simply enjoying life?
Or perhaps it is the excitement from the salary increment he got recently, or it could be the joy of being in love with Tiny, the lady he met recently and the one he thinks is wife material. As he thinks of Tiny, he hears his Mom’s voice.
She has been telling him to get married so that he can enjoy the wife of his youth and at the same time produce healthy grandchildren for her to play with before she dies.
This could probably be the right time to get married to beautiful Tiny. Tiny is a young entrepreneur. She owns a business that is doing very well.
She exudes beauty and confidence, a combination that pulls men towards her easily. Bonzo ponders about his future family – a wife who will respect him, love him and make him smile.
Children running around filling the home with warmth and laughter. That is the kind of life he has been imagining and wishing for a long time. This could just be God’s time. So, Bonzo and Tiny get married and reality comes knocking.
Inadequate Knowledge about partner
Immediately after the wedding, Bonzo’s mother decides she will stay with them to ensure Tiny gets pregnant promptly to speed up the process of getting her some grandchildren.
After one year, Tiny’s waist is smaller than it was when she got married. Mother in-law decides to do some enquiry and she is told that Tiny is not planning to have children, ever.
Bonzo and his mother are both surprised and disappointed. They silently feel like idiots. Who carries the blame? Obviously, Bonzo and Tiny did not have that discussion before tying the knot.
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Money and division of duties
When Mr and Mrs Bonzo decided to have a house of their own, Bonzo suggested that they should both contribute to finance it.
Tiny explained categorically that as far as she knows, it is the man’s responsibility to buy/ build a house for the family. In addition, she has a business to run and has no money to spare for a family house purchase.
And when she needs to go to the saloon or go to the gym for exercises to maintain a good figure and stay physically fit, Tiny expects Bonzo to chip in.
Emotional connection, Communication and loneliness in marriage
After two years of marriage, Bonzo’s expectations of a happy marriage died. Emotional connection between him and his wife Tiny, became impossible. They became more disconnected from each other.
To make matters worse, they could not communicate or share their concerns, wants or feelings. There was no affection, no intimacy.
They both felt lonely even when they were both in the house. Bonzo kept asking himself what’s the point of marriage if I can’t even touch my wife?
The story of Bonzo gives us a glimpse of possible scenarios that significantly contribute to the short- lived marriages we see today.
RITA – the Registration, Insolvency & Trusteeship Agency issued 675 divorce Certificates between July 2024 and April 2025 – less than a year.
RITA’s annual target is 583 – implying that the divorce numbers increased by 116%!
In summary, every generation faces its own social challenges and marriage is no exception. The young generation of today is in a transition.
As the world becomes more connected, mindsets are shifting, traditional values are being questioned, and individualism— often framed as self-love—is increasingly emphasised.
Couples getting married are writing their own vows to make sure they don’t utter the words until death do us part, giving room to exit the marriage any time.
But, if hope is to be trusted, then all this will pass and marriage will be a thing to look forward to because it will last even when couples are old and wrinkled.
Marriage will once again be seen as something to cherish and anticipate—not because it is perfect, but because it endures.