THE hostility between my father and I has reached very uncomfortable levels. It is awkward and bizarre and it never occurred to me that this can happen between me and my father. As much as I try to make things right, it feels like chasing wind. I am frustrated. Anger keeps building up and my stress levels are quite high, because I am jobless.
Since I completed my Bachelor of Science in The Behavior of The Housefly in Scotland three years ago, my father has been asking me a lot of questions which I do not have answers for. On a daily basis he sees it necessary to give me advice which I sincerely think I don’t need. It is all starting to sound like a broken record. The minute he opens his mouth I already know what he is going to say and I normally finish it for him, and he gets more annoyed, of course. I feel like one day we will end up having a fist fight and I do not want to imagine the outcome.
I understand my father’s pain and concern. He made sure he paid my school fees on time and that I did not lack the essentials required to enable me study without interruptions. I admit that I studied comfortably and to appreciate his efforts I passed with flying colors. However, my father’s expectations of me after achieving my degree have not been met. I’ve tried to explain that the challenges are global and I’m not the only one affected. Even then, I have not succeeded to convince him.
Despite all this, I do love my father and would give anything to calm him down, see him happy and proud of me, even if it is just for a while. I decided to discuss the issue with my mother and a few of my uncles and aunties. I’ve also consulted my spiritual father, a few professionals, and my counselor too. We also had a discussion with my friends who are also jobless like me. They all have varied responses regarding the systemic problem of idle, yet skilled young people roaming around the streets – some pacing back and forth with job application letters trying their luck. Some just hang around entertainment joints smoking weed to feel relaxed and drinking alcohol to pass time and forget their problems, albeit temporarily.
Hence, here is what I plan to report to my father. Wish me luck.
In regards to my joblessness – I’m trying to pick my words very carefully. I‘ve discovered that my degree in The Behavior of the Housefly in Scotland is as useless as ever. The housefly has been there since the beginning of times and if I am not mistaken, it is part of the ecosystem. The people I consulted told me that our country has other more urgent problems needing expert attention than stressing our minds thinking about the housefly. So, I need to explain to my father that my degree is useless.
The other question is why am I not getting married? Without source of income makes the rest of the questions from my father, moot. He told me I’m growing old and I should get married and have kids. For me to be a responsible husband and father I need a source of income. I’ve heard that many desperate young men like me date rich cougars. At this point in their life, these young men just need someone to provide, and they don’t care if these women are older than them. The question of whether they’re happy or not is not significant because even their mental capacity may not be that great to objectively analyze the situation they are in. I am sure my father will understand that at the moment I’m jobless but better off.
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My father has also been insinuating that parents feel proud when their kids take care of them- for example assisting with medical expenses, helping with water/electricity bills, refurbishing tired houses and even buying food stuff and other seemingly small gestures like a bottle of wine or whisky now and then – that makes a parent happy and proud. This too will have to wait.
And then I remembered the talk I had with my counseling psychologist regarding my situation. She enabled me understand even more what my father may be going through. She confirmed the fact that my father means well.
He wants me to have a better life. She made my heart mellow when she told me that if I could open my father’s heart and see his true thoughts and his prayers for me, I would most likely jump with joy, slow down my negative thoughts and team up with my father to make my life better.